If He Knew

If he knew
what I hold back

not touch
not hunger
but the steady offering
of myself
unasked

If he knew what I wish I could give him
not heat
not urgency
but the kind of staying
that does not announce itself

If he knew how wanted he is
how easily he draws attention
how rooms lean toward him
the gravity of him
how other women feel it too

I feel the jealousy there
soft
unclaimed
just the truth
of knowing
I am not alone
in wanting him

There are ways I want him
I refuse to name
because names build bridges
and bridges invite crossing

and crossing
might take from me
what I already hold
what I am not willing
to lose.

So I restrain myself
with precision

I count my hands
I count my words
I measure the space I take

I edit my voice
pace my replies
remain respectful
of the life he already has

even when every instinct in me
wants to give.

To give him rest
from what wore him thin
to stand where others failed
and not ask him to notice

I want to undo the harm
left by careless hands
and words that did not know
how to love him

I want to make him feel
what he deserves to feel
without asking him to choose me
without disturbing what he protects

So I stay here
contained
aching

wanting carefully

holding everything
just beneath
what I allow
to surface.

The Secrets of Wynter Rayne